那些出國念書後沒有人跟你說的事 - 留學
By Edwina
at 2020-11-23T03:24
at 2020-11-23T03:24
Table of Contents
感謝學長願意分享心路歷程。
我以博士生眷屬的身分也同時分享我與我先生的經驗,
(我工作十年後來到美國,現在是博士班三年級)
(我先生工作三年後來到美國,現在是博士班五年級)
並向各位還在苦海中掙扎的博士生們表示尊重與支持。
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這篇是勸世文與鼓勵文
並非在於靠邀不爽老師~
慣老師遇到奴學生,或是沒有勇氣反抗抗爭,就會慘到讓博士班老闆主導你的命運
而一但查覺到老闆是爛人,千萬快逃(放棄/轉學/轉實驗室)
不然只能用時間跟血淚換取教訓
也請正身陷泥淖的博士生 不要否定自己 一定要相信自己可以撐過去!
如果你決定要撐下去,我們永遠與你同在。
撐不下去時好好找人聊聊,我身邊有太多朋友唸到精神崩潰
我先生倒是沒有精神崩潰 是我在旁邊急到快要分裂了Orzzzz
請大家不要誤會了重點嚕(我們夫妻兩人已看開確定設下停損點)~感謝!
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先說說我先生的經驗好了。
高中雄中,大學成大系上排名第一,碩士台大,博士班念排名12的學校
就是UW-Madison工學院,他仍在念書,但已經發生的事實我認為不需要隱藏
他就是一個標準乖乖念書長大,不會頂撞老師,熱愛研究的第一名學生
他熱愛研究而且也相對比其他研究新手有能力,
他念博士之前發表的幾篇期刊,引用數目前超過70
我先生從一進到博士生學程,每天念書跟做研究超過12小時甚至到20小時
包括聖誕假期感恩假期還有我們的三節假日
他非常非常的努力,系上資格考也拿了全系第一,研究進度超前
但是他遭遇了什麼呢?
以下他遭遇的事情,
他們實驗室每個學生都遭遇過(目前他是認識的人中第五個)遭遇此事)
這代表我先生並不是特例
但這樣不公平的待遇
因為我先生身為不會去跟老師據理力爭的性格,更為嚴重
(這種奴個性笨蛋特質相信人性本善的天真 他已經努力改進中 血與淚的教訓!)
1.指導老師持續延後他的畢業時間(從3.5年→4年→4年半→5年→6年→?年)
這邊確實是靠邀 因為一直被延後被騙XD
他老闆會說3.5年可以畢業是因為當時我先生已經做完其指定要做的研究也寫好稿子了
2.去年6月就已經寫好的期刊初稿,
他的指導老師到今年10月底都很忙,沒有時間改!
他的指導老師沒做什麼大事業,實驗室也才5個學生。
3.預備投稿的期刊文章,他的指導老師要學生修改20-50次,
因為嫌棄他的學生們英文太差。
我先生已經聘請兩位母語博士級人士修改英文
但他的指導老師仍然不滿意
你別告訴我是文章架構問題
過去跟我先生合作的博士級人員超過五位
每一位都誇讚我先生有研究能力
提出的文章初稿往往每次就是非常清楚完整的架構
其他印度人與美國人學長的文章也平均一篇要來回改上6個月到1年不等
其實我本人一直不能理解為何這麼久?
如果研究結束架構沒錯 文法不要太過誇張
老師不是認真改一兩周即可投稿嗎?
為何每篇都要拖著? 拖著不投稿?
拖著讓他的學生們不是在做研究而是在寫作?
拖著幫忙他賺RA的計畫費用?
4.已經預備接受的文章(minor revise),
為了一個完全不重要的方程式的上下標符號,
他的指導老師也要求他修改數十次。(我先生原本就是參考知名教科書的符號)
他的老師還會忘了自己以前堅持說過的指示
學生們照做之後 過幾個月他再回來破口大罵為何要這麼做 為何沒提醒他XD
5.提供錯誤的研究方向,浪費學生的時間。
花了一年做的錯的東西之後,再責怪學生沒有提醒他(我先生其實有提醒但他老闆不接受)
他的指導老師UIUC工學院畢業
想必應該有一定的研究能力吧?
出了事全部怪在學生身上
6.經常情緒化的攻擊跟責罵(但沒有人身攻擊)
7.為RA的公司工作四年之後(美國排名第一的引擎製造公司)
(前兩年半每個月口頭報告一次, 後來每兩周一次,每次都要有進度)
(報告對象是整大隊的美國人博士們)
(因此我先生只有趕完RA進度後:
熬夜不睡覺準備老師突發奇想但其實沒有足夠時間與心力根本就做不出來的研究
(他老闆總是迷失在研究的細節 將帥無能 累死三軍...)
或是我先生會再利用三更半夜,花時間自己想辦法生出來期刊論文會接受的好研究)
要求我先生離開現在的合作研究案,
他的指導老師騙那間公司說,我先生得認真"開始"去做他自己的博士論文。
現在,他的指導老師要求他開始另外一個研究計畫。
他指導老師不願意放人
是因為我先生非常好用
多產,東西做的快又好
直到目前,我先生告訴我
他目前所有的研究都是自己弄出來的
指導老師都沒有給他任何具體的意見或修改方向
只是反覆不斷的刁難英文文法(非架構)
8.總是到周五傍晚5點或6點開始meeting,或是要求學生等他到晚上7點8點
周六日或是晚上打電話來,要東西是稀鬆平常,也就是說你別想要有休息時間
9.他的指導老師要求他們有3篇國際期刊才能畢業,
我先生手上已經被逼得累積有三篇論文的初稿
這三篇論文每一篇都是他們學校工學院博士論文畢業等級的程度
且三篇彼此不相關。
10. 今年6月終於投出第一篇在該領域最頂尖的期刊,
10月接受minor revision
但他老闆還是硬生生逼著他討論反覆修改了數次
期間一共花費了45天
直到遞交前三小時送出
11.其他幾個學長怎麼畢業的呢?
1個念到7年半(還是8年我忘了)
1個IIT的,說媽媽憂鬱症每天都在哭他怎麼沒畢業 最後六年半畢業
1個IIT的,已經找到工作他老闆還不放人
(這個能言善道會聚力力爭也會示弱 但老闆就是變態不放)
揚言會幫他找工作後來因為covid工作不好找他老闆放人
1個IIT第一名神人 個性極差喜歡嗆爆老師 擔任TA 五年整畢業
他老闆喜歡收第一名的學生,因為第一名學生比較乖比較不會嗆爆老師???
我身為博士生眷屬
我一再的忍讓
每天清晨五六點我會醒來
摸摸剛上床的先生是否還有呼吸心跳
因為這樣子長期過勞的狀態
我真的很擔心我會失去他
我記得我都是確認他還活著之後 我才哭著睡著
但他幾乎不會跟我抱怨研究上的事情
我也表現得好像沒事一樣
我不會造成他額外的壓力
為了讓他專心念書
在他三年級時我也申請其他學校博士班
過去兩年平日我沒有跟他住在一起
今年九月他老闆要他念到六年整以上
也就是2022年9月才能畢業
我終於崩潰了
我要他不要再念下去或是轉學
因為這樣遙遙無期的延後
我們經濟上是撐不下去的
我目前是申請教育部學貸兩百萬在支撐我們兩個的費用
(你可能會說為何我工作十年沒有存款 因為我都拿去還家人欠下的債務還有自身的學貸)
(我們夫妻兩人目前都有funding...借款學貸是打算讓我老公第六年自費 但他老闆不同意)
但是我先生拒絕
他堅持仍然要繼續念下去
如果到明年9月(五年整)還是沒有投出第二篇期刊(他三篇初稿去年都全部都寫好了喔)
他就放棄這個學位
而這個協商的代表,是我理性思考後用離婚的威脅換來的
(對 我是一個不及格的老婆 但我願意用離婚來換回他的人生跟健康)
目前停損點就是設在五年
若明年五年了他老闆又說要七年畢業
打算決裂走人
這期間已經溝通過很多次 軟性硬性都抗爭
目前是已經不主動做新的研究 只做他老闆交辦的任務
然後他就每天一直打PS4....XD
我只能說
不是每個人在求學上都如此順利
沒有經濟壓力
不用照顧生病年邁的父母,也不需要照顧老婆或是作家事
也不用擔心會遇到這種可怕的指導老師
如果這些你都沒有遇到
請不要任意批評別人是一個爛草莓...
有人會說為何不打聽指導老師好壞?
是的,當初已經打聽了
有其他實驗室的學長
觀察認為這個老師沒什麼不正常
(他老闆在教學上是天使老師 教學認真對人和善 才會騙到兩個美國白人進來)
而正在這個實驗室的人更不敢抱怨
這種事只能問已經從這個實驗室畢業且不在學界工作且會熱心說實話回答你的人才有解
很不幸 我們沒有遇到這種人
他一下時我就偵測判斷他老闆是個變態
但我先生還是不相信繼續乖乖做事
二三年級時察覺不對時
當時無法轉實驗室因為系上唯一比他老闆職級高的是他好友
我們也沒有額外的經費讓他重新申請學校
等到我也唸博士班了且經費充足(他四上了我家才開始不用為錢失眠)
他則是想要賭賭看人性
當然願賭者服輸
這期間若沒有強大心理素質
真的很難撐下去
這篇就是個鬼故事
或許我們並不幸運
但我先生並沒有失去相信人的能力或自怨自艾或是也跟著變成變態XD
(他老闆博士班老闆在UIUC 就是個台灣人變態
要學生早上五點多meeting 然後六日on call)
日子是苦 被老師折磨是不爽
但這就是自己選擇的人生
自己的個性與老師互動的結果
若註定無法改變現狀
那就是去接受他
然後且戰且走
要做到這點
老實說我在身邊看的很痛苦
但我的苦永遠比不上當事人我先生
所有能做的就是獨立照顧自己與永遠支持他
(前提是他身心不崩潰 人生很長 健康才是最重要的)
這就是美國求學的現實
你遇到了這樣的"負相關"老師(你付出越多 越晚畢業)
請問你要走還是留?
我本人目前已經開始參加學校的TARA工會
開始了解美國法律
萬一真的得付出一些行動保護自己
都需要有證據說話
全世界不管在哪裡念博士班
指導老師就是神
就是主宰了你的命運
這種不公平的待遇
究竟要怎麼樣的流血與抗爭才能改善?
--
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