請問有人可以幫忙改作文嗎? - 英檢

※ 引述《matilda924 (飛來飛去)》之銘言：
: 最近想準備IBT考試
: 試著練習寫作文
: 希望每天都可以寫一篇
: 可是目前寫得很不簡潔 (亂糟糟)
: 看範文是看得好像很順
: 可是自己寫起來就會東扯西扯的
: 不知道有沒有人願意幫我看看
: 願意給些意見~
: 謝謝!
: Do you think we should protect our environment?
: Environment protection has become a very popular theme these years since
pollutions problems got more and more serious. Some people think that it is
all right to lead the life style they are living even if it harms the
environment, while others disagree with this statement. Personally, I
strongly support that we should protect our environment as much as possible
because the earth had obviously warn us the changing of this planet, the
resources all we left is not much, and I hope our children could
still have a suitable and lovable living condition to live.

: Environment protection plays an important role in our future of survival
in this planet. Recently, global warming is serious enough to endanger the
earth, and it also warns that the earth has changed a lot. (Though people are not the only specie
live on this planet, we have become the main killer of this living place for
making thousands of pollutions for it.)這句不太合邏輯 In fact, human causes
all kinds of danger for our environment, such as air pollutions, trash
pollutions and mental pollutions .These factors have contributed to the
change in the world's enviroment, making earth a terrible place to live,
and it will no sooner lead the planet to the end in the future. Therefore,
we should try our best to prevent any pollution from continuing to save
our environment from now on.
: Luckily our ancients had so great a living place to stay, owing so
much rich resources to use like full water, enormously land and other natural
materials are the gift from the earth, somehow people take it for granted
without cherishing them. For example, people exploit gas, coal and trees
endlessly without control. No sooner or later, those natural resources will
keep losing and loosing. Once my friend said ”The more we take, the sooner
this ends.” If we do not stop using the natural resources without limitation,
the earth will not have plant of natural resources left sooner.
: Finally, I believe the earth is our great mother, who provides us a
wonderful living place to live. The earth is also the best planet with
beautiful scenes and abundant of food for living things to inhabit. No matter
how hard it will be, we should take almost any acts or means in protecting
this precious place. So all the creatures in the world and even our children
can keep living in such a better life and place in the future. Protecting
environment is not only for us, but also for our children or our children’s
children.
: In the end, there is no denying that we only have one place to live-the
earth. I am sure to protect our living place is our natural duty. Well goes
an old saying” You can not bite the hand that feeds you.” Once we
have broken the living place, we could not change it back again. The
consequences will be significant, and we can never possibly undertake.
Whether how hard we can try, we must spare no efforts to protect our
environment for listening to the warnings to the earth, stop resources from
losing ,and leave a clean environment for our children and other creatures.


幫你抓了些文法上的小錯誤還有修了一點小段落

三十分鐘你能想這麼多IDEAS和打這麼多字也算蠻厲害的

不過基本上你的SUPPORTING IDEAS有點弱，主要是沒有非常清楚的論點

第一個有講到重點，但第二個就會顯得有得模糊，讓人抓不到重點在哪，第三個還OK

最重要的是支持你SUPPORTING IDEAS的論點也都有些接近

這樣可能會讓你得到 u may not privode enough specific support and development

for your main point 的評價

希望能對你有些小小的幫助^ ^

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