作文的寫作方式。 - 英檢

這個七月份要考TOEFL，不過對於TOEFL的寫作方式不是很熟悉。
拿了題目試寫了一篇，還希望大家可以幫忙指點給點意見，謝謝了。



What are some of the qualities of a good parent? Use specific details and
examples to explain your answer.

Under our comprehensive universe, education would be the highest weighty
intention across the novel of our lives. When we initially write down our
first chapter, parents would be the primary active roles, describing the
narrative of our childhood. For almost every occasion, manners and concepts
of parents would form a crucial factor for influencing the inner qualities as
well as affecting the future of children. Since children are as a row of
white walls, diverse manners would be absorbed into their brains and
automatically illustrate various colors on the walls as the standard of their
behaviors. However, no matter how children absorb positive or negative
manners, we could not clean the artificial walls as purifying the walls of
children. Obviously, parents’ manners would be a magnitude of constructing
excellent behavior of children by virtue of if parents could behave with
eminent methods, then children would also imitate. When parents educate their
children, they always attach their concepts to their children confidentially,
even though they would not deliberate. Therefore, parents would be possess
with responsibility to bring justified notions for assisting children would
be able to perceive our beguiling world, since along with indirect thinking,
children would tread on improper journeys of life. Wealth, class and jobs
would not be the actual values in our spirit, since family is the core of our
lives. Our future of society would be determined by our children,
furthermore, children’ future are determined by us. Consequently, in
significance according to my understanding, parents who are willing to focus
on educating, realizing and sharing with their children would be exceptional
parents.

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